I love SquareUp even more now.

squareYesterday, as many people who follow me on Twitter know, Square and I had a bit of a misunderstanding, a SNAFU, if you will. This, from the Square TOS, was our snag:

16b. Payout Schedule – Card-Not-Present Sales.

If you accrue more than $2,002 in card-not-present sales during any trailing seven day period, Square will defer depositing the amount in excess of $2,002 for 30 days. Card-not-present sales are transactions where the payment card is not swiped using the Square Reader. If you think your account is likely to exceed $2,002 in card-not-present sales per week, contact Square support to inquire about accelerating your payout schedule. Upon receiving this request, or once you exceed $2,002 in weekly card-not-present sales, Square will conduct a review of your Square Account to determine if you qualify for acceleration. Square will consider a variety of factors in making its decision, including but not limited to a proprietary set of rules, chargeback rates, transaction behavior, and other supplemental data about your business.

Now, before anybody accuses me of not having read the ToS before going batshit crazy, I did read the ToS, but it was 18 months ago and I’ve slept since then. Remember, I have only recently been able to nudge my clients over to using a credit card over the phone, so my revenue in that channel has been slowly increasing. I’ve never reached this threshold. In short, I forgot about it.

Thursday I signed onto a particularly wonderful project which put me far over the threshold. Imagine my shock and dismay when I found only 37% of the money had been deposited in my account. You know, somewhere in the back of my mind, it did occur to me they might put a hold on that money.


Three days would not have cramped my style. Ten days would not have cramped my style overmuch. Hell, banks only put a 10-day hold on a large check.

THIRTY DAYS cramped my style in ways that would have been really rather devastating.

I went to the website to see a notice that informed me I could have my account looked at if I filled out the online request form. If I also uploaded some documents, they would expedite the review and possibly maybe upgrade my deposit limit. I did that, fuming the entire while.

Somewhere in here I emailed and filled out the contact form.

What I really needed was to talk to a human being. Seriously. I would have actually called someone and talked to them on the phone to beg and plead and scrape for fast-tracking. But there is no phone number on the support page.

That’s when my head sploded and I took to Twitter.

This is the part where I tell you how wonderful Square was. Because they were. It took less than ten minutes from my first tweet as @MoriahJovan to put me together with B10 Mediaworx and get on to the expediting. (AND they addressed me as “Elizabeth” in the email, so in the middle of my rampage, they still managed to impress me.) By four pm central time, it was resolved. My deposit limit was increased and my funds were to be released to me. I got the confirmation email this morning and the money will be in my account on Monday, which was what I had originally expected.

Now, they put up with a lot of shit from me, which is not easy to do. Ask my husband. And my mother. And my partner. And my bishop. And just about anybody in romancelandia, publishing, and Mormon lit.

And they did it with the utmost of graciousness and style.

So this is my way of giving credit where credit’s due, thanking them profusely for the quick service, and commending them for being able to put up with me. (Also, to ask them very nicely to put a phone number on their website, pretty please with a cherry on top?)

But mostly this is a followup post to yesterday’s to both warn future users to read and remember this tidbit, because I recommend them most heartily. Those of you Twitter friends who have found themselves in need of such services and had been eyeballing SquareUp (but then expressed doubt), do it. You know who you are, Shiloh Walker, Carolyn Jewel, and Voirey Linger.

Do me a favor, willya, folks? Tweet this post like crazy.

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